Happy Birthday Grayson!
Three years ago today, while minding my own business eating dinner at Chic fil A, I felt the most intense pain descend upon me like it must have been sent straight from hell or God Himself.
I doubled over my 41 week belly and wondered, "what on earth is happening to me?" An employee asked me when my due date was and when I said "last week", her eyes widened with surprise and mirrored my fear. "Girl, get outta here!" she exclaimed.
Fast forward twelve hours of excitement, labor and delivery nurses, all the meds, a half-effective epidural, out of this world pain, clutching the hands of anyone daring to near my bedside, fevers, fetal distress, oxygen, and lastly a spinal coupled with a very fast and brutal cesarean.
I heard the angriest, most beautiful cries and then I waited to hold this baby.
Finally, after hours of recovering, I was handed a warm bundle with bright red cheeks and orange hair. "Is this really our baby?" I asked my husband, thinking the baby would have his dark brown hair.
Grayson Tyler. My tired eyes wouldn't believe the times I'd say that name in the next three years. First in sweet baby lullabies I'd make up to rock him and rock him and rock him to sleep. This beautiful baby boy who would never want to sleep but always had a smile on his face. (Unless of course, you tried to make him sleep). Then later, his name would be a sign of his fearlessness- as I shout "Grayson Tyler!" to keep him from running into the road, jumping off the couch, or throwing a ball at his newborn sister. As he got older still, “Grayson Tyler” would be reserved for moments of strong-willed disobedience, as he learned to navigate his independence.
Three years ago I couldn't have imagined the difference that warm cozy bundle would make in my life. Bearing the brand new title of mother and trudging through the sleepless nights, I didn't realize my heart was transforming as I continually placed someone else's needs before my own. The mountains of love I already felt for my baby would only be intensified as I watched him learn and grow. My love for him would change my entire life, making the days about taking care of him and the future about paving his roads. I didn't know that becoming a mother would now put me in this sacred club that would bond me to other mamas forever, in relationships that strengthen and encourage.
Grayson, I look at you and I see my whole heart, your father's heart, the love of so many other people in our lives, and bright shining hope, that you will continue to grow and be exactly who you are meant to be. You are the most fearless person I know, and also the happiest. Your joy and goofiness has been exactly what our family needed, and it’s been especially fun watching you be such a wonderful big brother to Londyn. You’ve expanded my world to include every superhero there ever was, every detail of the Ninja Turtles, villains, pirates, and Star Wars. Thank you for always making me Jane when you’re Tarzan, and never failing to protect me from bad guys or spiders. There’s really no better way to say it then this: I love you to infinity and beyond.